I’m writing this with tears in my eyes…
Since January 1st I’ve found it hard to express my feelings surrounding events. People often asked me if I was OK or how I was feeling, and every time I would just respond vaguely. At the outset, I really don’t think I truly realised you were gone, and therefore I could not answer questions about it. First time reality hit home was at the funeral and that was also the first time I broke down. Every day since I’ve been thinking about you and about the inhuman suffering of your family. People often talk about how death has a purpose, but those people can shove it, as I am 100 percent certain they have no idea what it’s like to lose someone you care for! I can find no purpose in your death.
The word unfair suddenly gets a new meaning and now seems a not particularly strong expression. The word can not at all express how unfair and meaningless your death is, and particularly not yours! Because Hans, you were special.
You possessed some qualities that many could learn from including myself. You always knew where you wanted to go in life, but you never went without listening to other suggestions first. You were always understanding and you listened sincerely to what other people had to say. Whether it was a discussion about politics or something quite irrelevant didn’t matter, you listened and I have the greatest respect for that.
I remember an episode around when we were 15 where we talked about spirituality and whether there was more between heaven and earth, As many know, you were an atheist, a point definitely differentiating us. You explained why you thought as you did, and I, why i did. To my surprise, you listened to what i had to say without challenging it. You told me, you respected my point of view, but that you didn’t believe what I did, and that really made me happy. I convey this episodes partly because it represents the true spirit of Hans and partly because I treasure the memory for ever.
Before this episode it has not always been as amicable. A year earlier, after I started at our school we fell out for a relatively long time, over something pretty stupid. The truth is, I can’t actually remember exactly what it was, but I do remember I was sad about it. Because the fact is, i already cared a lot about you back then. Eventually we became good friends again, and have been ever since, which I am really grateful for. Since we became friends you have (as mentioned earlier) taught me some really valuable things about life, things I’ll bring with me, so many thanks for that. Thanks for being there when I needed help. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being tolerant and understanding. Thanks for being you.
In a couple of days, the boys and I are off to Roskilde Festival and I have to admit, it will be very different without you.
Last years trip would not have been the same without you. You tied together all the lose ends, organised everyone and everything and just made it all possible. This year, we’ll all be more responsible, and we have you to thank for that. First toast at the festival will be in your honour and I hope you somewhere can feel all the thoughts we are sending your way.
I maintain my position that we will meet again – even if you disagree.
I love you Hans and you will forever be in my thoughts as will your strong and brave family.
See you sooner or later