Brev til Hans fra TK

Hej Hans

Det er med tårer i øjnene at jeg skriver dette…
Siden den 1. januar har jeg haft svært ved at udtrykke mine følelser omkring hændelsen. Jeg er tit blevet spurgt om jeg var okay og om hvordan jeg havde det, og hver gang har jeg givet et vagt svar. Jeg tror endnu ikke at det var gået op for mig at du var væk på det tidspunkt, og havde derfor haft svært ved at tage stilling til det. Det var først ved bisættelsen at virkeligheden ramte og første gang jeg brød sammen. Jeg har tænkt på dig og din familie hver dag lige siden; vores venskab og på din families umenneskelige lidelser. Jeg hører tit folk snakke om at der altid er en mening med døden, men de mennesker kan ryge skråt op for jeg er næsten 100 procent sikker på, at de ikke aner hvordan det er at miste nogen man holder af! Jeg ser ingen mening med din død.
Ordet uretfærdigt får pludselig en helt anden betydning og er pludselig ikke et særlig stærkt udtryk længere. Ordet kan slet ikke beskrive hvor uretfærdig og meningsløs din død er, og SLET ikke din! For Hans, du var speciel.

Du besad nogle egenskaber som mange kunne lære af inklusiv mig selv. Du vidste altid hvilken retning du ville gå, men ville aldrig tage afsted uden at høre andre forslag først. Du var altid forstående og lyttede oprigtigt til hvad folk fortalte dig. Om det var en diskussion omhandlende politik eller noget andet helt irrelevant var ligegyldigt, du lyttede og det har jeg stor respekt for.
Jeg husker en episode i ottende klasse (deromkring) hvor vi snakkede om det åndelige og hvorvidt der var mere mellem himmel og jord. Som mange ved er du overvejende ateist, hvilket gjorde os dybt uenige på det punkt. Du fortalte hvorfor du mente det ene og jeg det andet. Til min store overraskelse lyttede du til hvad jeg havde og sige uden at sætte spørgsmålstegn. Du fortalte at du respekterede mit point of view, men at du ikke troede på min påstand, hvilket gjorde mig rigtig glad. Jeg nævner denne episode 1. fordi jeg mener at den repræsenterer den sande Hans og 2. fordi det er et minde og for evigt vil huske.

Inden denne episode har alting dog ikke været ligesom ovennævnt. I syvende klasse efter jeg startede på kruse var vi uvenner i en forholdsvis lang periode over noget overflødigt. Jeg kan i virkeligheden ikke huske hvad vi var uvenner over, men jeg kan huske at jeg var rigtig ked af det i den periode. For jeg holdte allerede meget af dig på det tidspunkt. Vi blev eventually venner igen og har været det lige siden, som jeg er rigtig taknemmelig over. Siden vi blev venner har du (som nævnt før) lært mig nogle værdifulde ting i livet, som jeg kan tage med og tak for det!
Tak for at være der når man har brug for hjælp. Tak for at lytte. Tak for at være tolerant og forstående. Tak for at være dig.

Drengene og jeg tager afsted til Roskilde Festival om et par dage og jeg må ærligt indrømme, at det bliver noget helt andet uden dig. Havde det ikke været for dig, havde sidste års tur ikke blevet til noget. Du samlede de løse ender, fik styr på tingene og fik det hele op og stå. I år er vi alle mere ansvarsbevidste og det kan vi takke dig for. Første skål på festivalpladsen vil være til ære for dig og jeg håber at du kan mærke alle tanker vi sender i din retning.

Jeg holder fast i tanken at vi en dag mødes igen – også selvom du er modsat overbevist.

Jeg elsker dig Hans og du vil for evigt være i min tanker sammen med dine stærke og tapre familie.

Vi ses før eller siden

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Letter to Hans from TK

Hey Hans

I’m writing this with tears in my eyes…
Since January 1st I’ve found it hard to express my feelings surrounding events. People often asked me if I was OK or how I was feeling, and every time I would just respond vaguely. At the outset, I really don’t think I truly realised you were gone, and therefore I could not answer questions about it. First time reality hit home was at the funeral and that was also the first time I broke down. Every day since I’ve been thinking about you and about the inhuman suffering of your family. People often talk about how death has a purpose, but those people can shove it, as I am 100 percent certain they have no idea what it’s like to lose someone you care for! I can find no purpose in your death.
The word unfair suddenly gets a new meaning and now seems a not particularly strong expression. The word can not at all express how unfair and meaningless your death is, and particularly not yours! Because Hans, you were special.

You possessed some qualities that many could learn from including myself. You always knew where you wanted to go in life, but you never went without listening to other suggestions first. You were always understanding and you listened sincerely to what other people had to say. Whether it was a discussion about politics or something quite irrelevant didn’t matter, you listened and I have the greatest respect for that.
I remember an episode around when we were 15 where we talked about spirituality and whether there was more between heaven and earth, As many know, you were an atheist, a point definitely differentiating us. You explained why you thought as you did, and I, why i did. To my surprise, you listened to what i had to say without challenging it. You told me, you respected my point of view, but that you didn’t believe what I did, and that really made me happy. I convey this episodes partly because it represents the true spirit of Hans and partly because I treasure the memory for ever.

Before this episode it has not always been as amicable. A year earlier, after I started at our school we fell out for a relatively long time, over something pretty stupid. The truth is, I can’t actually remember exactly what it was, but I do remember I was sad about it. Because the fact is, i already cared a lot about you back then. Eventually we became good friends again, and have been ever since, which I am really grateful for. Since we became friends you have (as mentioned earlier) taught me some really valuable things about life, things I’ll bring with me, so many thanks for that. Thanks for being there when I needed help. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being tolerant and understanding. Thanks for being you.

In a couple of days, the boys and I are off to Roskilde Festival and I have to admit, it will be very different without you.
Last years trip would not have been the same without you. You tied together all the lose ends, organised everyone and everything and just made it all possible. This year, we’ll all be more responsible, and we have you to thank for that. First toast at the festival will be in your honour and I hope you somewhere can feel all the thoughts we are sending your way.

I maintain my position that we will meet again – even if you disagree.

I love you Hans and you will forever be in my thoughts as will your strong and brave family.

See you sooner or later 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.